Ted from the gym

Ted is a nice fellow from the gym who came over to talk to me one day while he was half way through getting changed.  As he approached me stark naked and said ‘hello’ I though he was another Chinese person who can speak English and wants some practice, but after I while I realised he was just a friendly guy and approaches everyone for a chat, whether he’s wearing clothes or not.  We had a good chat and when I complemented him on his English he said that he likes to listen to English music, and learns through the lyrics.

A while later, as I was jogging he came and stood next to me with his phone in his hand and asked me, “do you know‘love me for a reason’by Boyzone?”, As I replied “yes I do, but I am not a big fan of Boyzone” he said “here listen” and held his phone up and starting playing the song.  As I was jogging he stood next to me for the whole 3 minutes and 39 seconds and watched me listen, I felt a bit awkward and so kept jogging and kept my eyes straight.  When the song finished before I could say thank you he began to ask me “do you know ‘Always come back to your love’ by Samantha Mumba?”  I could see where this was going so I decided to take swift action, “yes, I know it but I don’t like that song very mu-“ but before I could finish my sentence he said “here listen” and played the song.  Then followed another 3 minutes of me jogging, with a man I barely know standing next to me holding up his mobile phone watching me listen to an out of date pop song.  As the song finished I slowed the machine down and was about the tell Ted that I am trying to jog, and don’t want to listen to bad music when he said that he had to go and didn’t want to disturb me.

As I continued to go to the gym I would see Ted nearly every time, and sometimes have a chat or play a game of table tennis, I even recommended him ‘the Who’ when he asked for some good music to listen to, just in case there was a repeat of the jogging incident so I could actually listen to something I like.  My plan failed.

One day as I was Doing some weights on one of the machines when he sneaked up from behind and gave me a shock as he started “do you know..” my hopes were high as I got ready to reply “yes, I do know ‘pinball wizard’ and I think it’s a very good song, in fact I wouldn’t mind listening to it right now” My hopes were dashed as he finished his sentence “do you know… ‘You Raise Me Up’ by Westlife”.  My reply “Yes, but I don’t like Westlife” was completely ignored and answered with “here listen”, and this time he had earphones and continued to place them in my ears himself.  I took them out of my ears and said “no, really I don’t like Westlife, thank you”, he paused for a second and I thought that maybe I had offended him, then he pulled the earphones out of his phone, took a step backwards, held up his phone and said “here listen” and played ‘you raise me up’on speakerphone.  I looked at him with stupefaction and then began to laugh.  As I laughed he looked at me strangely and I could see that he though I was very odd for laughing at such a nice song.

I had a nightmare after that, I was going for a jog around the lake, it was a beautiful day, and I was enjoying the fresh air and peace and quiet when suddenly I hear “do you know…” from behind me, it’s Ted, he’s found me. He carries on “do you know… ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion?” My screams of horror and pleas of mercy are ignored as I hear the dreaded words “here listen”.  He plays the song, I try to sprint away but no matter how fast I run or which direction I go I can never outrun him, and the worst thing is he’s got the song on repeat.

I still see Ted in the gym, I didn’t tell him about the nightmare though as I don’t want to give him any ideas about Celine Dion.